James and I moved back home and into our first house together in Gluckstadt exactly 2 years ago next month. And I can honestly say I’ve been through ALL the emotions about being home in Mississippi since that day.
For years, I had been anxiously awaiting the moment we got back home, but I soon began to realize we had created a life together in Georgia and OUR first home together was really there. When I get homesick these day I miss things like the traffic on Cobb Pkwy, Marietta Diner 2 am late night snack dates, the constant sound of planes flying into Dobbins Air-force Base, having a Target across the street from our apartment complex, Trader Joes, Chipotle, and plus the never ending concerts, sporting events, and entertainment options.
Never-the-less, I was really excited about the new journey we would began together in our new home and while building our business together. However, what I wasn’t prepared for the most was the emptiness I would feel in our new space.
A 3 bedroom house instead of our tiny one bedroom apartment, meant 2 empty rooms. 2 empty bedrooms that weren’t filled with our babies. Those 2 bedrooms represented what, for the longest time, I thought was my failures and brokeness. How did I deal with these feelings, well I didn’t for the longest time. I threw some gifted and garage sale furniture in both rooms and shut the door.
For a year and a half I didn’t live in my house, I mean really LIVE in my house. I thought by even using those two bedrooms, for any other use, it was me giving up or closing the door on our hopes of having a baby in the near future.
God then began to work on my heart, and even more so through our first conversations about starting the adoption process last fall. Then last year at Mistletoe Marketplace , I found this tiny little canvas painting that has no become my rock through this journey.
As my heart began to heal in ways I didn’t even know possible, I feel like there is one thing that God has taught me and made super crystal clear. Until I could make room in my heart for me and work on my own healing, I could not prepare a space for a growing family.
So I began to envision a space that I could make 100% my own would look like, and after a very long journey, we finally finished my little slice of heaven and home office this weekend. The space that when we painted on our own together for the first time together, we first painted the names of our future children on the blank walls while we cried and prayed. And after many trips to Target and Michaels, that James may or may not still believe I tricked him into, we finally found all the missing puzzle pieces to make it perfect. My place to retreat, my place to connect with God on a daily basis, my place to work when there was work to be done, my place to relax and breathe, my place to cry when I needed to cry, and my place to find peace and joy.